What am I doing?

As 2011 comes to a close I am finding myself looking back at what I did this year. I started off 2011 very uncertain. Steve had just lost his job and started working contract jobs. I was working at Community South and it was a very tumultuous environment to say the least. I was definitely praying that things would turn around and that we could get on track with every aspect of our lives.

In the spring Steve was working at Roche and we decided that it would be a job that was going to stick. We talked, prayed, talked, and prayed some more and decided that it was time to move on with our lives. I gave my notice at CHS, we looked for a place on the north side, and took a big plunge to change everything we had previously been doing for the last decade.

I was now a very happy stay at home mom and Steve was now close to work and us. Awesome! We decided to start exploring our new area of Noblesville and found lots of things to do. Our favorite thing was bike riding. I thought well if we are bike riding I should start eating better and get some more of this darn weight off of me. I started eating well and exercising and the weight started coming off. I was finally down into the 180s! I can't even remember the last time that I weighed 180-something! I was really feeling good about where we were headed.

We found a great church too. WRCC.org is the website. White River has truly been a God send to us. We are learning so much there about God, who we are, what God wants for us, and what we want from our lives. Steve was baptized there and Lilly is really thriving. I know that without a doubt God is working on us from the inside out.

Now, as winter approached my weight started going back up because I wasn't exercising or eating well. Now that we are at the end of 2011 and the end of this chapter I look back and yes a lot of wonderful things happened but I am STILL struggling with my weight and Steve and I are still struggling with our finances. I really need to figure this out. We are in a really good place in our lives so I should be able to do all of this. I feel like I get going with it full steam ahead and then poop out even though things are going well. IE: I'm loosing weight, feeling well, have money saved, paying bills off etc....

Before 2012 starts I need some goals. I need some direction. I need to figure myself out. I need to figure out Steve and I's relationship together when it comes to food and money. I know that we are enablers and that is super destructive to our physical and financial health. Why am I talking about all of this publicly? I really don't know. I do know that it helps to write it down, put it out there, see my feelings on page. I hope that I can work this out and finally change a huge part of me that is still broken. I don't need perfection. I don't need a bikini body or a million dollar fortune. (All though both would be wonderful) I need peace. I have spiritual peace that is amazing. Now I need it in my physical and financial life.

I'm going on a discovery and I hope that I find out what it is I need to succeed. I know how to diet and exercise just fine. It's my brain, emotions, way of thinking, etc that I need to figure out. It is my passions in life that I need to figure out. When I do things are going to be great. I was brave enough to change part of my life so I can be brave enough to change the rest of it. *deep breath* Here we go!

Day 2

Today went really well. I had four juices even though two of them were super hard to choke down. I am suposed to be feeling bad but I feel great. I am a little hungry at night, when I always binge, but other than that it's all good. The only detoxing symptom I am having is the funky breath/white tongue but even that is mild. Maybe I am not as sick as I thought I was.

I am not finding many vegetable recipes that I like. I am able to choke some down but that is about it. I think I will have a mostly fruit juice blend and at night a salad to help bulk my veggie intake. All in all it's going well and I feel better.

This October I am doing an iron man in a month challenge. Basically you just run, bike, and swim the distance of an iron man race only spread out through a month's time. It's the perfect solution to getting myself back on track with exercising. Thanks Nicole for the invite!

Reboot

So I watched a documentary called Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead. Joe is 100lbs overweight, unhealthy, and has an autoimmune disease. He is fed up with feeling sick, tired, and taking a bunch of pills. He decides to go on a juice fast for 60 days. If you want to know more watch the documentary or go to www.fatsickandnearlydead.com to read about it.

I was so inspired by this documentary, and another one that I will blog about later, that I joined the reboot. Today is day 1 of my fast. The minimum is 5 days and the maximum is 60 days. I don't know where I will land but I am commited to detoxing my body and getting back on track.

I know that people think it's crazy but people have fasted for centuries! Jesus fasted all the time. Your body only needs water to survive. I have so much extra fat for my body to burn I am NO way in danger. Chinese medicine really focuses on healing the body through nutrition. I am focusing in that concept through the fast and afterwards.

Join the reboot! Start eating to live instead of living to eat!

Better but not great

Breakfast and dinner were great. Good for me and on target calorically. Lunch and snacks......not so much. So I am going to take my small victory because it is an improvement. Tomorrow is another day to better myself further. We walked arond the neighborhood tonight but it was a leisurely 0.5miles so that will be improved upon as well. All in all I am proud or not throwing away my day. I put my reasons on the fridge and I am also going to put them in my bedroom, purse, car, and bathroom.

Hog wash!

That is what I have to say to myself. All my excuses are just plain hog wash! I have been downright terrible with eating and exercise. Why? Because I am lazy and self-servient. I haven't kept my reasons for losing weight and getting healthy in the forefront of my mind. I have kept all my idiotic, selfish, destructive excuses there. There is absolutely NO excuse for my behavior and I am disgusted with myself. I will now have to re-lose some of the weight that I previously lost. The one good thing is that this is completely my decision. I haven't watched TBL, gotten jealous over someone else, been "talked to", etc. That makes me realise that this is something that I want. Not just a fad. No matter how many times I fall I will get back up. I'm tired of writing these posts. I can't say no more because I know life will get in the way at times but I will do my best to make them few and far between.

Egad!

Today started so well. I had two pumpkin muffins that I made last night. They are so delicious and super easy. I made some coffee, cleaned the apartment up, and got Lilly and I ready for a bike ride. We went to our favorite trail at Potter's Bridge Park and biked around 5 miles. Not too bad for a sore body. When we got home I fixed her a great lunch and I ate some apple slices with peanut butter so that I could help her eat and get to her nap. That is when it turns sour. I grabbed a snack bag of Doritos and a Mountain Dew. WHAT?!?! Why did I do that? No freaking clue. It definitely goes to show though that I can NOT have things in my house that are not good for me. If they are there I will eat them. STUPID, STUPID, STUPID! It doesn't end there though. Oh, no. I had to wash it down with a dark chocolate kit kat. So my lunch started healthy and ended up in the trash. Bah! I feel like a complete moron. The only plus side is now those items are gone and can't be eaten again. Steve made us chili for dinner which was super yummy. That was a great dinner choice. So I guess i'm at 2 for 3 today.  I got some more cleaning done tonight and the apartment looks great. I really love having a clean home. It just makes me happy. I know it makes Steve and Lilly happy as well. Tomorrow will be a better day but I am at least owning up to my mistake so that is one step forward. I'm hoping the scale isn't too mean to me tomorrow. Still no new scale so i'm still looking at a 190 number. :( I think that Lilly and I will get up earlier tomorrow and get our day started in preparation for less sunlight in the coming months. Maybe we'll catch some story time tomorrow at our local Barnes & Noble. Love that place! I hope you guys are doing well and keeping healthy!

SORE!

Holy sore calves Batman! I seriously have been hobbling around like an arthritic 90 year old today. It's been pretty pathetic. I don't know what did it but i'm sure the insane amount of hills at the Warrior Dash did NOT do me any favors. I'm really hoping for a calf miracle tomorrow. I really want to get back to exercising. We got some groceries for the week tonight so I at least don't have to venture out anywhere tomorrow if I don't want to. I would really like to be able to take Lilly on a bike ride so I can get some exercise in along with some Lilly time. We shall see. Today was pretty decent on the eating front. Breakfast was fabulous. Lunch was fine caloricaly (so not a word) but not nutritionally. Dinner was fine too. We had pancakes because Lilly requested them but they were whole wheat so no biggie. And blueberries. I didn't get any real snacks in besides some sunflower seeds that they gave us at the dash. While this is an improvement I can most definitely do better tomorrow and I will. Sometimes you have to ease in a bit. I'm ready to drop some weight though. I didn't make it to the scale isle. I'm a little bummed about that because I hate Satan Scale but i'll get there eventually. I just don't think that seeing 190 is good for my mental health. It is a major road block for me while losing weight. Stupid? Yes but there you have it. I would like to make a formal goal but i'm really not feeling it. My "goal" right now is to just get my booty back on track. Blogging really does help so i'm going to force myself to write something every night. As you can tell i'm just blathering now so it's probably time to publish. Hope you are doing better than I am and if you aren't well join me on the "get back on track train" asap!

Warrior Dash

This weekend Steve, Nicole, James, Cheryl (Nicole's friend), and I all competed in the Warrior Dash. We were the last group to go at 4:30pm on Saturday. We had to go through obstacle courses, up and down hills, through a lot of mud and water, set up in a 3 mile course. When we got there I felt like the fat chick in a sea of skinny people. I was letting self-doubt and negativity creep up on me. I was questioning why I was there and what I was thinking in signing up for this race when I was so obviously wrong for it. God however, bless Him, gently chided my by reminding me that I can do all things through HIM who gives me strength. So I got all my gear on, got up to the starting line, and held my head up high. I knew that while I wouldn't come in first, or even in the middle, as long as I finished the race and did my best that I could go home proud. Steve and I stuck together the whole way. I kept telling him that it was me and him all the way and forever. I would be with him and support him, and vice versa, through all of life's obstacle courses. We went up 15-20 foot walls, ran through mud and creeks, jumped over fire, swam through mud, and crawled under barbed wire. It was thrilling and brought us closer together as a couple. We were able to share moments together that I will forever be grateful for. The complete trust that we had in each other to help one another, stay together, and support each other was amazing. It really proved to me that we are so much stronger together than apart. We finished the race in an hour. Not the best time in the bunch but not the worst. I'm so proud that we were able to do every single obstacle course and make it 3 miles on top of that. I was really proud that I was able to haul my body up over those huge walls with my little arms. That is a lot of weight. I love proving to others but mostly myself that yes I can do it! My weight doesn't define me. I am strong, willing, and able. Just try to bet against me. You'll lose every time.

I want to be perfect

I really do. However I am a flawed individual who, for some strange reason, likes to mess things up just when they are going so well. I know that in this I am not alone, however, it is seriously frustrating. I promptly got out of the 190s, made my birthday goal, and then drop kicked myself off the wagon. I really need to take a look at myself and figure out why I do this. Am I scared to be thin? Am I scared of failing? Am I scared of the hard work it will take? Most likely it's all of the above. I would love to understand myself in this but I just don't. I guess I just have to take comfort in the fact that I am not alone in feeling this way or doing these things to myself. I didn't completely lose my head and start downing oreos with a cheesecake chaser but I could have been losing weight this whole time. ANNOYING!!!!! I won't make my first birthday goal but I can do another one. I will have to think long and hard about what I want it to be before I post it. One thing that I have figured out however is that I am not a gym rat. I love doing things, that to me, don't feel like exercising. I love bike rides, dancing in the living room with Lilly, swimming, long walks with my family, and playing sports. I need to realize that it is ok to have that be my exercise. After all, this is a life change, not a temporary fix. It is so important to stress that fact. Nicole has told me over and over again that this is not something I can fail at. You can't fail at life. You can't fail at trying to better yourself. So, yes I want to be perfect but God made me this beautifully imperfect me. I'm pretty sure He knew what He was doing.

Why?

Why do we have hormones? They just make us crazy. I was a crazy person this weekend. My girly time was NOT nice to me this weekend. I made some VERY poor choices when it came to eating and exercising. As in too much eating and too little exercise. My weight was up this weekend too. So disappointing since it was such a victory for me last week. It however is not an end point. A well I gave it a good shot so now i'll just go back to where I was. No, this is a change in me and that isn't happening. Life will go back to normal tomorrow and i'll be right back to where I should be. I just want to say I hate speed-bumps but life is full of them. I got over this one and I know i'll get over the next one too.

Last Friday Nicole and I did something so fun and out of our comfort zones. We took an aerial yoga class at Mindful Movements Studio. The first class was free so check them out. Anyway we got there and I was unbelievably nervous. I struggled to get on the fabric at first and so I just calmed myself down and told myself that it is mind over body. That was so true. We were rocking it. We even got to do the falling angel on our first visit which is an intermediate move. Here are some moves that we did during our class. I am definitely going to reach out of my comfort zone and do something fun and good for me once a month. Hopefully Nicole or another person can join me because it is so fun to share those memories!

So, I hope that even if you had a bad weekend, week, month, year, etc that you don't give up on yourself. You are worth changing yourself, your family is worth it, your Creator is worth it. Write your goal weight on your arm, plan your meals, and rock this next week!

Good burn and less time

I figured out today that if I walk fast at an incline of 10 I can burn 1000 calories in an hour instead of what I was doing for 90 minutes. Today I burned 1011 calories. It was kind of funny because the treadmill couldn't register the 10. It just looked like some squiggles and then the 11. I did well with eating today but I forgot to track my lunch and dinner. I will have to focus on that tomorrow.

Now on to the "looks" side of things. I have lost 14lbs so far. I am super proud of that! I can see results in the fact that I now wear a 14 instead of a 16 but just looking at myself in the mirror or in pictures I can't see a difference yet. There is a giant difference from where I first started at 220lbs. I am wondering if there will be a magic weight that I get to where I will be able to see it. I am definitely hoping that it comes sooner than later. I am the type of person who gets discouraged if I don't see results. Not that I am close to that right now but I am hoping that 20lbs gone will see a visible change in my body. Hope you guys are all staying on track!

Declaring my number

My birthday is 52 days/7 weeks away. My weight is currently 185lbs and on that day, 9/3, I would like to weigh 169.9lbs. That is a weight loss of 15lbs or a hair over 2lbs a week. This is definitely acheivable and it will put me at a weight I haven't seen in a good decade. I honestly don't want gifts, cards, or anything else. I just want to see the 160's on my birthday. There you have it. I have declared it and now I want/need accountability and encouragement so I can make it happen.

Today I worked out for 90 minutes. I burned 870 calories and was bummed because I could have done better but I had horrible acid reflux. I couldn't run so I walked at a fast pace at an incline of 10 for 30 minutes, got on the bike for 30 minutes, and then finshed up on the treadmill for the last 30 minutes. I find that my acid reflux is horrible if I exercise after I eat so I have to stop doing that. So my goal is to be ready to go to the gym as soon as Steve gets home so I can workout and then come home and make dinner. How are your goals coming along?

No excuses!

You have no excuse not to get in a least 30 minutes of exercise a day. I mean, come on there are multiple opportunities for it. Walk/jog in place while watching tv, pop in a video before bed, run around with your kids, heck even doing chores counts if you want it to. (Bonus! You get the house cleaned super fast) Today my parents came to visit and I love spending time with them and watching them interact with Lilly. They didn't leave until 11pm and I definitely could have said well, there's no time for me to exercise today. However, I asked Steve to get Lilly ready for bed and I threw on some workout clothes and ran 1.5 miles outside in this beautiful weather. Yeah, it's not a ton but I got in a burn and my scale will thank me tomorrow. Once you dump all the excuses and start living life you'll make time for what is really important. Being healthy for yourself and your family should be at the top of the list.

Now time for my girly screaming. Today I am pleased to announce the satan scale read 189.8lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! Can I tell you how great that feels? I NEVER, EVER, EVER want to see 190 again! Auf Wiedersehen, ciao, sayonara, so long sucka! My new goal for the scale is 185. I posted it on my arm already so I am ready to go.

Family Bike Ride!

Steve finally got a bike tonight! I am beyond excited. I have been wanting to take family bike rides for over a year now. Thank you so much Jessi for giving him your old bike! We went to the canal and through the IUPUI campus. I have no clue how far we biked but it was a blast. These are the types of activities I want to be doing with my family. I want these to be the memories that Lilly keeps as she grows up.

Back to my weigh loss. As you well know I waged a war with my scale. It weighs me 4lbs heavier than all other scales. I have been doing my weekly weigh-in on the gym scale so that I have an accurate number that also keeps me sane. However I weigh myself daily on my satan scale and I STILL see a 190 number. So this week I took a leaf out of Jay's ( from The Biggest Loser) book and started writing the words "one eighty nine" on my arm daily as a constant reminder of what I am working towards. I have to say that it has been amazingly helpful. You can't help but see it no matter what you are doing. It has helped me eat better, track my foods better, and exercise better. So if you have a goal weight try doing this. If you have job restrictions put it some place unnoticeable to anyone but you. If you absolutly can't write it on your body try putting it up in your cubical, as the banner on your cell phone, on your rearview mirror in your car, etc. Also, make sure it is an attainable goal for that week only. Not your end goal weight. Happy goal making!

Bike Ride

Lilly and I went for a bike ride today to get myself some exercise and spend some quality time with her. I tried a new trail today so I made sure that I waited until Steve could go with us. I never want to go somewhere until I know it is safe. The trail was beautiful. It is nicely wooded and has lots of hills to make it interesting. It goes from Potter's Bridge Park to Forest Park. The trail can go even further on to Morse Lake so I think I will try that next time. All in all it was a fun ride and I got some good cardio in. I am hoping to find Steve a bike within a week so that we can all ride together. I really am trying to get in some fun family activity time that is free and good for us. Today has been great on the calorie front. I made a taco salad today that was to die for. I love it when healthy food tastes fantastic. I am definitely ready for my silly scale at home to put me in the 180s and for the gym scale to put me in the 170s. I'm ready to look as different as I feel. I hope you guys are doing well and keeping at it! Never forget your reasons for getting fit, healthy, and strong!

Splurge monster

The splurge monster came to visit me this weekend. It wasn't horrible, I was able to somewhat control the monster, but nevertheless he came. Now, don't get me wrong. It was a lot of fun and I don't at all feel like I failed and am going to quit. However, I do have a modicum of regret about my decision. I definitely don't want to have to lose a pound or so that I have already worked so hard to lose. What is done is done though and now back to business. Today has been pretty good but there was some leftover kettle corn that got in my way. Not enough to kill my calories today but not the best decision. Anyhoo, i'm hitting the restart button and it's all good. I'm off to go workout and see if I can burn another 1k calories. :)

980

That folks is how many calories I burned the other day at the gym. It only took me 90 minutes to do and would have been less had I been able to run a bit more. I had a goal in mind of 1000 calories to burn just to see how long it would take me and if I could even do it. I set the treadmill at 90 minutes and just went for it. With a combination of running and fast walking at an incline I was able to go 5.6 miles and burn 980 calories. Why would you want to burn that many calories you ask? I am a huge fan of The Biggest Loser and how they always say "If I can do it, you can do it." I decided to put that to the test. I know that they burn 7000 calories a day but my point was is it even possible to burn 1000 like they say you can do. It only took me an extra 30 minutes of exercise and a little determination. Everyone has their block when they exercise. My personal block is getting past the 1.5-2 mile mark. Once i'm past it I can fly through my workouts. Don't give up on yourself. If you push through it you can accomplish amazing things!

Back at it

I gave my shins a much needed rest yesterday. Not that I really rested much yesterday. I took Lilly to the pool with my sister and her boys. We played in the baby pool for 3 hours. That was a lot of walking in the water so I am sure I got some form of calorie burn. Today I amped up my workout and while I wanted to double my burn goal I didn't quite make it. Those darn shins got me again. However I did get to 558 calories burned so not too shabby. I'm sure it will just take some time to heal. Today was another fun in the sun day but at my parent's house. I must say that I am looking forward to a day in the air conditioning. That sun was brutal today. I am a little crispy. I am looking forward to an awesome number this Sunday. My 24 day challenge is over with. I really hope that I won it. I know I worked hard enough to. Of course it won't matter if I don't but hey, who doesn't like to win? Keep going even if you have a small injury. And don't beat yourself up for taking a day to rest. Your body will thank you for it in the long haul!

Ouchie

Yesterday my shins started hurting on the treadmill so I didn't end up finishing my workout on there. I went over to the elliptical and finished up my 400 calorie burn. I felt better so I decided that today I would just do the elliptical the whole time. I set it for 45 minutes and got to rock and rolling. Ok, I fancy myself a capable runner but doing the elliptical for 45 minutes just down right sucked. I didn't get as much calorie burn my holy crap batman! My calves were on fire. I finished up my calorie burn on the treadmill and trundled on home. I've been researching things to do in order to prevent and treat shin splints. Basically stretching them, icing them, medicating them, taping them, and treating them with different shoes is what I came up with. I have shoes from The Running Store so it can't be that. I guess i'll be doing the other stuff. In the mean time if it hurts tomorrow I just may be doing some inventive exercising in my pool. Hopefully there aren't too many people in it so that I don't embarrass myself. On to my new calorie budget. I was a smidge concerned that it would be difficult to come up with meals to stay within my allotted budget but it's not been hard at all. I went to Meijer and stocked up on all kinds of goodies. I have a lot of fruit, veggies, yogurt, and even some organic cookies and bars when I need a treat. There are so many great foods and resources out there if you really want to change your eating habits. Just remember to eat as clean as you can because "diet foods" are full of chemicals that will end up doing the opposite result. They make you have more cravings, slow down your metabolism, and some have chemicals that are under going research because they believe they cause cancer. Yikes! Go with what the good Lord provided. Eat your fruits and veggies!

New Process

Breakfast - 250, Lunch - 300, Snack - 150, Dinner - 400, Snack -150


This is going to be my new plan. I need to be more methodical about what I eat and how many calories I burn. I have been trying to get away with just keeping track in my head. I'm still losing but now what I would like or am capable of. My calorie burn is going to be set at 400 calories/6 days a week. That is going to be easy to do. I'm super close to it now. Thanks Nicole for all your help!!

GOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!

Ok, so it's just ONE goal out of many but still. I am officially out of the 190s!!!!!!!!! I hate that darn nine and am so glad to see it BEHIND an eight. 189.2lbs baby!!!!!!!!!!!! That puts me at 9.8lbs lost in 3 weeks. Now on to my next goal. 170s here I come!!

This is why I hate scales

Today I was expecting to see a lower number on my scale but instead I saw a higher number. It wasn't much, .4lbs, but I wasn't expecting to see it go up. I have been working very hard and I always expect my scale to reflect that. I have learned however that the scale will let me down unless I weigh myself just once a week. That scale could care less how much work i've done. It just reads how much my body feels like projecting that day. All I know is that darn thing better show a loss on Sunday or it's getting the Office Space treatment!

Don't stop

Don't give up! Ok I know that is a quote from Yo Gabba Gabba but it is such a good lesson. I did not want to work out today. It got to be 11pm and I told Steve I just wasn't going to do it. I started putting away laundry and just seeing all my clothes was such a powerful reminder of why I need to go. I threw on some workout gear and headed off to the gym. I thought I would just walk so that I at least got some exercise in. When I stepped on that treadmill however I thought "why would you drag yourself down here Becky only to phone it in? You might as well have stayed home." So I hit the interval button and let the good times roll. The longer I ran the better I felt. Some days this journey is hard but never give up. You are worth every bit of effort it takes. Never stop believing that.

14

I am officially a size 14!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I honestly don't remember the last time I was a 14. It's definitely been several years. I tried on 3 different stores' pants and they all fit so I definitely feel great. I'm thinking i'm going to get my wish on the scale this week. WOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Jillian

I went to the gym tonight but there were a bunch of people there. I was able to get 10 minutes in on the treadmill, elliptical, and stationary bike. I got a decent calorie burn but I just felt incomplete. I decided to do a Jillian Michaels video called "No More Trouble Zones" to complete my workout. O....M.....G! She is one mean chick. I was sweating and cursing through the whole thing. I finally collapsed two sets from the end when she tortures you with planks. While I feel good about my workout now I am also peeved that she beat me. My new mini goal is to make it through the entire video while doing EXACTLY what they are doing. I will get my revenge on you Jillian!

Goal shirt

Ok, one more thing. I was out shopping for groceries at Meijer and I came upon a super cute owl shirt that was on clearance. I had to have it. I went hunting for my size but I could only find it in a medium and I am an XL right now. I was so upset because it was one more example of how my weight holds me back. After that negative nancy thought a positive patsy thought popped into my head. "Becky! This can be your goal weight shirt!" I have always refrained from buying goal weight clothes because I always had the notion that I was setting myself up for failure. This time however just feels different. I am in such a good place in my life mentally so I went for it. It is now hanging proudly in my closet for me to admire daily. I can't wait to show that shirt off this fall. So, when you are ready, go out and get something that you love in a size you want to be. It doesn't have to be expensive (mine was $7) but make sure it is something that you are dying to wear. Let it motivate you and remind you of what you are working towards.

Feel the burn

I ran a mile straight today at a 5.0 then rested a bit then ran again for .65 miles at a 5.0. I am slowly but surely getting faster and better at running. I miss my intervals so I think i'll do some of each tomorrow. I did some more strength training today. My leg presses are up to 175 lbs, which is a 6, and I started at 80 lbs/level 3. I am constantly seeing improvements and that really drives me to do more. I am still pretty weak with my arms but one day i'll have some guns. :) I am really feeling good this time around. Yesterday I really wanted a brownie sundae that everyone was eating so I made myself a mini version that was about three bites and it was awesome! I didn't feel at all guilty because I had made great choices and I rewarded myself. I think that attitude is keeping me from binging and really helping me figure this out as a lifestyle. My whole point is to live better and the emphasis is on LIVE. Just remember to have some self-control and you can make eating a lot of fun.

My fastest mile

I just ran a mile straight at a 5.0 which is a 12 minute mile. That may seem slow to some people but when I started exercising about a year and a half ago I was at a 20 minute mile. That is what I call progress people! I ran the mile and then I hopped onto the elliptical for 30 minutes to get some more calories burned without so much stress on my legs. I really felt good after this workout because I really didn't want to do it. However, I really want to get to the 180s so I hauled my tookus over there and sucked it up. On a quick side note I just killed a giant spider that was lurking outside and baby spiders came flying out of it. I HATE spiders so that was just horrible. Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck!!!!!

I scream, you scream, we all scream for......

Running at a 6.2!!! I have never ever run above a 4.5 on the treadmill. I never believed that I could. So, when I did my intervals yesterday I went up to level 11 and it showed a 6.2 for my intervals. I about pooped my pants. The fear and doubt started to creep back in but then I remembered a TBL episode where Jillian said that it isn't your body that can't do it, it's your mind. If I let my fear and doubt rule me I wouldn't be able to do 30 minutes of intervals at that speed. (Intervals have you do a high speed for a minute and a low speed for a minute and repeat over and over) I pushed out the negative, turned on some music, and believed in myself. I did it no problem. It really shows that the old adage mind over matter really is true. I followed it up with a bunch of strength training on the machines. I'm starting to really feel good. Oh, and i'm down to 191.2 lbs so look for a crazy woman post next Sunday when I get below 190. :)

Boring

I really have nothing insightful or exciting to report. I have been really blah today for some reason. We did go explore Morse Lake and it was so beautiful. We walked around and let Lilly play for a bit. Then we drove through Forrest Park which was awesome. It has a golf course, baseball field, water park, putt-putt golf, trails, a train museum and trains, a classic movie every Friday night and i'm sure other things as well. We will definitely be going back. Steve and I are trying to find free and healthy activities for our family. We then went to historic downtown Noblesville and walked around. It is a pretty cool town. We went into an ice cream shop that smelled heavenly. It had all homemade ice cream, chocolates, cones, and various other goodies. I am so proud of myself that I abstained. I will however treat myself to something in the future. I don't believe in deprivation because it will only lead me to binge. I want it to be a special treat however not just because it was there. We ran some errands and I found Jamba bars that Nicole recommends at Walmart for $2.88 which is pretty cheap. I got peach-blackberry which has only 70 calories. The coconut and pineapple one was to die for and only 90 calories. As for exercise it was really only the walking while exploring. I think i'll do a yoga video and some squats and junk just so I can get in some form of exercise. Oh! I decided that every Sunday morning I am going to weigh myself at the gym for my official weekly weight but I am going to track my progress on my scale at home. Just as a constant reminder to keep on track.

Interval queen!

I love intervals! They make me feel so empowered. I love seeing that interval number go higher and higher. Today I did it for 30 minutes at level 10. My interval speed was 5.8. I have NEVER ran that fast in my adult life. I love it when I see results from my hard work. Those intervals really do help your endurance. I also did 50 squats, 50 crunches, 50 hip extensions, 45 calf raises, and 10 pushups. They were all right in a row. I'm such a weenie when it comes to arm strength. That is one area where I am really going to have to focus on. I did great with eating today so i'm hoping to see a good number on the scale this Sunday. I am really ready to leave those 190's in the dust. That will be such a huge milestone for me.

No excuses

I have been feeling crummy today. I'm tired, cramping, and grouchy. I haven't really done a whole lot to be honest. A little laundry and watching Lilly is about all. I was going to go to bed and leave it at that but then I remembered something. I promised myself no excuses. Obviously if I am really ill or have an injury or something to that effect that's a different story. I am pretty sure that a period shouldn't get in my way of getting healthy and losing weight. So I am going to watch my old season of The Biggest Loser and use my stair stepper. 30 minutes won't kill me. So remember NO EXCUSES!!!

Can you say busy day?

Holy cow this has been one full day. It was worth it when my nephew told me it was a pretty rockin day. That made me smile. We (Lilly, me, my two nephews, and my mom) went to the zoo today. It is elephant week so we got to see a cool elephant show and pet the elephant. That was wicked cool. We also got to see the tiger show again which the boys loved. We were there for about 4 hours after a train ride and fun in the water park. Then we went back to mom's house and had pizza. I had the veggie delite and salad. It was so good and very good on the calorie side too. The kids wanted to wait for my dad to get home so I pulled on some stretchy pants and went for a jog. I ended up going 3.5 miles. 2.1 miles jogging and 1.4 miles walking. It was 5 laps total and I started off jogging and interspersed walking until I finished the last lap jogging. My endurance is getting much better already. After that we went back to my sister's house and she wasn't home so I decided to just get the boys some stuff and have a slumber party. After showers and snack time I am one pooped chickadee! Now it's time to wrangle them all in bed and all of us get some shut eye. It's been such a precious day and i'm so glad we moved and are closer to them.

Perseverance is key

And also a really great friend. (Shout out to Nicole!) As you can see by my previous post I was having a rough day today. The scale really got me down as well as a horrible nightmare. (No, I will not be sharing what it is on here) I was in a funk, not ready to give up, but despairing about whether or not I was going to fail. Nicole really talked to me about how this is not something you can fail at. This is my life i'm talking about not a diet or exam. She is so right. So as much as I want to yell SCREW THE SCALE! I will refrain because it does gauge my progress and I need the darn thing. So how about YOU DON'T OWN ME SCALE! I got in two miles tonight. I jogged one and walked the other. Pretty decent considering just how pooptastic I feel today. I'm hoping tomorrow dawns a new Becky.

When scales attack

I am feeling attacked on all sides. Steve got me a new scale yesterday at walmart since I don't have one. I have been weighing myself at the gym. I was so excited to use it so I got it out and stepped on the scales. That is when I got my first punch in the gut. It said 200 lbs!!! I wanted to throw up! I took the scale down to the gym and weighed myself on both of them. There is a 3.8lb difference!!! Now I am struggling with which weight to use. I don't think I am that heavy but I have no idea which one is right. Steve said I should weigh myself at Lori's house (my sister) and go with whatever has the majority. That is pretty sound reasoning so that is what I am going to do. The second attack was this morning. Even with the weight subtraction it is 195lbs. How did that happen? I exercised twice yesterday! I am so not giving in to this but I can't deny that it will hurt if I have to lose another four pounds to get out of these stupid 190s.

Am I a runner?

Well not by the traditional standards but I am running! I just got done running a mile outside in this beautiful weather and I feel great! I know that is not a 5k or anything but I sure am proud. I think i'm a runner!

UPDATE: I just got back from the gym and I did 4.5 miles on the elliptical in 30 minutes. I am sooo proud of myself. If you want to quit just remember your goal and keep going. It's so worth it in the end!

Weight

Ok, still no scale however I hauled my butt over to the gym before eating or really waking up and weighed myself. I was pleasantly surprised to see 192.8lbs. Wow people. Wow. When I weighed in for the 24 day challenge, granted it was around dinner time, I was 199.0lbs. My thought process at that point was "Crap Becky. It's going to take you forever to get back out of those poopy 190s again." I am a mere 2.9lbs away from being 189.9lbs! That is awesome. There is no secret to weight loss. I'm not doing anything magical. Just good old fashioned "diet" and exercise. I say "diet" because I don't consider myself to be on a diet. I am just making good choices because I want to be around for Steve and Lilly. So, if you are on a weight loss journey yourself don't be scared when you see your starting number. Rejoice that you are in fact STARTING and that soon enough you will leave that number in the dust!

Calories

Nicole and I did my calories tonight and i'm pretty happy. I get 1400 calories split up into 3 meals and two snacks. My all time favorite snacking hour is before bedtime so we worked a small snack in two hours before bedtime. Talk about a great plan! Here it is in case you are curious.



Breakfast - 300, Lunch - 350, Snack - 150, Dinner - 450, Snack -150

Smoothies and scales

I haven't eaten badly this weekend but I haven't eaten as well as I would like since we have been celebrating Steve's birthday. I've been well within my calorie limits but I don't think that everything was AS nutritionally dense as it could have been. Soooo...tonight I made myself a super yummy smoothie. It has strawberries, blueberries, 1/2% milk (found this at Meijer and I love it), and ice. Super yummy and it's making me feel better already! I still haven't gotten a scale. I looked at CVS today and the only scale they had was $60!!! Yeah...no. I have no idea how i'm doing weight wise but I do genuinely feel good. I think that is reflecting on my number of posts and the content. I really feel good about what i'm doing and I don't feel too guilty (notice the too because i'm still battling my inner diet diva) about eating out because i'm making great choices. I know that this is the style of living that I want for the rest of my life. I don't want to have to think about weight too much. Maybe i'm subtly sabotaging the scale-finding process. I still have to exercise today but I am excited about it because Steve found me some more Zumba videos. Those things are a blast and I am seriously sweaty and winded after them and the only one I have done was 20 minutes long! Lol! They are usually 60 minutes. I will definitely post after I do the long one. Ok, time to get going and drink my delish smoothie!

Olive Garden

We went to Olive Garden for lunch for Steve's birthday. I knew in advance that we were going so I planned my meal ahead of time. I wanted to "celebrate" so I got a peach bellini which was 170 calories. I got soup and salad, pasta e fagioli if you care to know, which was 250 calories. All in all I had 420 calories while eating at Olive Garden. Before I was eating anywhere between 1290-1510!!!!!!!!!! That is insane to me. I didn't even realize it because I was eating salad, breadsticks with dipping sauce, and mushroom ravioli. I never thought in a million years that would add up to those insane numbers. It's not like I was gorging on alcoholic drinks, tons of food, and dessert. Sometimes finding out what you had been eating prior to "dieting" is just depressing. Especially when you thought you were making "better" choices than you could have been making. There are some dishes at Olive Garden that are over 1000 calories. That just blows my mind. I don't understand why they can't healthify some of these dishes. Insane. So I'm off to the gym and then I am making Steve's requested s'more cupcakes. I love celebrating birthdays!

PS Before Posting this I was totally feeling guilty for eating at Olive Garden. I wasn't until I realized just how well I did and how poorly I could have done that changed that attitude for me. The food was amazing so I guess I just assumed that I did bad even thought I did my homework before going out. Funny how our minds work.

Intervals

I did intervals on the treadmill tonight and I really liked it. I put it on a level three but it was too slow so I just kept upping the speed. I was really proud of jogging at a 4.5 during the speedy part of the interval. On the rather embarrassing side I definitely need some sports bras. Yikes! It said that I only burned a few hundred calories so that was disappointing because I did it for a half hour but hey, it's something. Another day of really good eating so i'm proud of myself. Dinner was fish, quinoa, and mixed vegetables. It was super yummy and wicked easy. I'll  be repeating that one again. Tomorrow is Steve's birthday. This is our last year of our 20s. I'm actually pretty happy about that. I want my 30's to be a fresh start for us and I'll be at my goal weight and living life how I want to by then. Oh! I weighed myself tonight because I was super curious and it said 195.8! Let's hope the scale continues to move in that direction.

Reasons

I was just reading a post on another person's weight loss blog and it really inspired me. What reasons do I have for losing the weight, getting healthy, getting strong? Well here they are:

1. I want to be a positive role-model for my daughter
2. I want to feel good instead of feeling tired and grumpy all the time
3. I want to be able to explore this wonderful world that God has given me
4. I want to feel and be beautiful for my husband and myself
5. I want to inspire others

I have watched The Biggest Loser since the day it aired and wished for the things that they have accomplished. They seem to have achieved all these reasons that I have set for myself. They may have had the ranch but they still had to do a lot of work to get there. That is what I need to remember. There is no magic cure, no "secret", no miracle that will get the results. Only I can do it and I will. I will be posting these reasons all over my house so as to not forget why I am on this journey. I may be doing a 24 day challenge but that is just a small trip in my great adventure that is my life.

Swimsuit

I had Steve take a picture of me for the 24 day challenge in my swimsuit. Let's just say I don't look how I feel in it. I thought that I looked sexy in it but in reality I look like a red whale in it. My legs and butt look atrocious. I need to really focus on them during this challenge. Hopefully I can find some good exercises for them. Hopefully by the end of the challenge i'll feel brave enough to post the pictures. On the positive side today was a good eating day. I also got the apartment completely put together so it feels like home. I really love it here. We went swimming with my nephews and mom tonight and had a ton of fun.

Woot

I'm really happy with today. I did really well at the zoo. (BTW, the tigers were awesome!) I didn't eat lunch there however Lilly and I shared some dip and dots. I am proud of that because I was able to enjoy the few bites of dip and dots without feeling guilty. We went to Panera for lunch and I got the you pick two. I got salad and a turkey sandwich for about 300 calories. I also passed the brownies by so yay me! I made it to the gym after Steve got home. I can tell it's been awhile but I did 30 minutes on the treadmill and 15minutes on the spin bike. I didn't do as well as I used to but I am proud none the less for going and working out for 45minutes straight. I weighed myself there and it was 199. I am sure I weigh less in the morning without shoes on but at this point a few pounds don't matter to me. I'm going to try to get a more accurate weight tomorrow before Steve goes to work. I'll still have clothes on (not that you want to know but I usually weigh nakedy) but at least it will be in the morning and without shoes on. All in all I think today deserves a big WOOT!

Zoo day

I decided that I want to take Lilly out to the zoo today. I really want her to have an amazing summer and it will help me get in some exercise and vitamin D. I just realized I don't have a scale anymore. Lilly was a bit obsessed with it and broke it while carrying it around. I won't know my weight till friday when we get paid. That is ok by me but I need it for the challenge. Maybe I can use my mom's today. Our breakfast was great. Cereal, yogurt (for Lilly), and blueberries. Ok, off to the zoo with mom!

24 day challenge

A friend of mine on facebook is hosting a 24 day challenge. It starts today so i'm a smidge behind but compared to my usual days i'm way ahead. For 24 days we'll be exercizing and eating well. At the end she will award a prize. I don't care about the prize I just need to jumpstart my routine. I had a terrible eating day yesterday. We had White Castle. I haven't eaten it in a good 7-8 years. I don't know what posessed me but I am so upset with myself. I am mostly upset that Lilly's dinner was so nutritionaly void. So...instead of continuing to beat myself up I am making a change for the better for me and my family. I will be proud of myself and of what I can accomplish for them and myself.

So much has changed

I can't believe its been two months since my last post. So many things have changed for us. We moved to Noblesville into a really great apartment. I quit my job to stay home with Lilly and my last day is Tuesday. I have definitely let life get in the way of my weight loss and fitness goals. Our complex has a really great gym and pool that I can utilize and Lilly and I have so many sidewalks to take bike rides on. I plan on utilizing all of these things and am making a commitment to do so right here and now. I promise to make this an amazing summer for her and me. I'm making a commitment to not focus on weight, calories, and other diet things that get me down. Instead i'm going to focus on making my family healthy, fit, and close-knit. I'm starting this on Wednesday but i'm making the commitment today to start making us a close-knit family. Making sure my laziness doesn't get in the way of molding Lilly into a healthy, beautiful, and loved little girl. I promise Lilly, that mommy will do what it takes to help you have a wonderful summer and a healthy mommy who is around for as long as our good Lord lets me.

Something has gotta give

I honestly don't know what my problem is. I really don't understand why I eat things that are bad for me, don't exercise, and then gain back weight that was so hard to lose. I get so inspired when I watch TBL, read great articles, see others that have lost the same amount of weight as me or more, etc. but I just can't keep it going. I can give myself excuse after excuse to not do it just as much as I can give myself reasons to do it right. I'm really tired of writing these blog posts as i'm sure others are just as tired reading them. I'm up for any suggestions. Perhaps a lobotomy?

I feel better

I dragged out the treadmill and ran after reading a Jillian article about negative thoughts. Instead of turning this all into a negative I decided to think and act positively for the rest of this evening. I am proud of myself for showing some control this afternoon. I'm proud of myself for eating healthy for breakfast and dinner. I'm really proud of myself for running a mile this evening at a fast pace. I finished it in 13:38 minutes. I'm proud of myself most of all for pushing past the negativity, changing my attitude, and going to sleep on a positive note.

Peer Pressure

Peer pressure bit me in the arse today. I brought my lunch today like a good girl. I ate my breakfast and was fully intending to eat my lunch. Then my coworker brought us out leftovers. From The Cheesecake Factory. It was my favorite dish. I ate the damn thing. It doesn't end there. She also brought my favorite dessert. I ate it. Well....not a ton at all. Way, way, waaaaay better than normal but i'm still so grumpy with myself. Why did I give in? Why didn't I just say no. What....the...hell...is....wrong....with....me?

I'm sure my weight will be up because my body hates to metabolize anything more caloric than a carrot. Ugh!

Cupcakes

I fancy myself a darn good baker. I make some pretty killer cupcakes. I haven't been asked in awhile to make any so I haven't really had any baked goods in the house. Well as luck would have it I was just asked to make some and right at the beginning of my goal diet. The house smells of homemade caramel sauce and it's so heavenly. I will be good though and not eat any of the cupcakes or icing. Except the teeeeeeny tiny bit that I have to taste of the icing to make sure it's well mixed. Oh that God saw it fit to give me a fabulous metabolism.....

I had a great day though. Good eating, went out with a friend I haven't seen in a while, got some chores done, and caught up on a few shows. I'm hoping to see that scale continue it's decent. I'm super excited that i'm already in the 180s. I was NOT expecting that. I can see that my no eating past 8pm is working well. I was doing terrible at that. I would eat something in bed while reading. NO GOOD! Alright, gotta get ready to hit the hay. Got a long and early day tomorrow.

New goal

I have 52 days to reach it. Why you ask? A friend of mine that I have known my whole life is getting married May 14th. Since I have known her my whole life that means that we grew up together. That also means that she will be inviting other people that I grew up with. That means that they will see me in all my chunky glory that day. Yes I know that they will be waaaaaaay more focused on her and how gorgeous she will be but I know they will also be surprised at how much weight I have gained in the 10 years since we have graduated high school. I know that I can't lose a ton of weight. I should however be able to make a nice little dent in my goal. So, my goal is to lose 2lbs a week. That should bring me to a total loss of 14lbs. Hopefully that means that I will be around 175lbs. Ok Nicole......nag me like you have never nagged before. I want total accountability for the next 52 days. It also coincides nicely with the mini. :)

Feeling good

I'm feeling much better after weighing in today. I weighed myself several times just to make sure it was correct. I didn't exercise last night either. I really need to get on that. I'll try to do it today while Lilly is napping. I haven't even watched TBL!!! This week has been really busy for me for some reason. I keep finding things to do. I really want to get in play time with Lilly while it's nice out. It's supposed to snow later this week. YUCK! I think that the baby steps are working for me. I feel like i'm accomplishing a lot but i'm not feeling too restricted which keeps my rebellious two year old self at bay. I think it's officially 45 days till the mini. I WILL RUN TODAY!!!!!!

Face slap

So, I decided to go to the zoo today to get out of the house and get in a little walking. I asked my mom and dad to go with us and off we went for what I thought was going to be a nice healthy activity. My parents got hungry while we were there so we went and grabbed something to eat. I got a pepperoni pizza from Noble Roman's not even thinking of the ramifications. Well....I came home and just put it in my WW tracker and it is 20 points. HOLY CRAP! 20 freaking points for that piece of crap pizza. I didn't eat all of it but still! That is insane! Ugh, instant face palm.

Eh

Well...I didn't do too bad or too good yesterday. Baby steps though....My weight is up a smidge but I don't think that it's because of yesterday. We are having so many issues with the house we're renting. I'm so ready to move it's not even funny. I couldn't get on the treadmill yesterday because it was literally raining in the room it's in. It's supposed to be worked on today but we'll see. I was going to go outside for a run yesterday but we got busy as usual. Today i'm going to make it work somehow. I think I may need to sign up for a gym a little closer to home that is open 24hrs. All in all i'm fine with yesterday. I'm not going to be negative or beat myself up.

Where did the time go?

Well I have 6 weeks until the mini. 6 WEEKS! Holy cow batman. I don't know where the time has gone. It just seems to fly by. I've been doing horrible with my food and exercise as my weight proves. I need to hop on the exercise train or i'm going to crawl the mini. I've started the day off right and i'm taking it one baby step at a time. 47 more days!

Plank mastery

Ok, so I haven't mastered them yet but I did the whole plank circuit today with Jaime. When I started training with her a few weeks ago I couldn't get through the first part of it. I literally collapsed just trying to hold myself up. I'm amazed at the ability my body has to adapt to whatever i'm doing. God is so amazing. It's almost like He knew what he was doing when He made us. ;) My next goal for these pesky planks is to stack my feet to make it harder. Jaime showed me the progression after that and i'm a little afraid i'm going to break my face. You hold up your leg in the air while on one arm. CRAZY. I'm not one to walk away from a challenge so look for my post about that. I'm sure it will be funny. I signed up for weight watchers (it will now be known as WW) to try for some more accountability, recipes, and portion control. Even if it only helps for a few months i'm ok with that. I just need to get this engine going. I'm doing great with workouts so now I need to jump in with both feet with my "diet".

4 miles. Holla!!

The Biggest Loser (or TBL as it shall now be known) is such a source of inspiration to me. I think I cried 47 times during this last episode. You root so hard for them because you know EXACTLY how it feels to be them. When they fail you feel the pain right along with them. When they excel you feel their joy. Arthur, who is the biggest guy there at 400lbs, did a 5k in an hour. THAT IS MAD CRAZY!!!! That made me feel guilt and inspiration all at the same time. I'm using too many excuses to not push myself further. So, with that inspiration in mind I headed to the treadmill. I did 1.5 miles running and .5 miles walking then Steve came home so I headed outside and walked another 1 mile and then finished it up with a 1 mile run. In total I did 4 miles. I felt soooooo good after it. I could have went further. I think that I could have ran the whole thing had I not developed a stitch in my side. This is so huge for me. When I began a change for the better I could not WALK a mile. I have jumped leaps and bounds from where I was. I need to focus on that instead of looking at how much further I have. Everything worth having takes time, dedication, and a willingness to fail but pick yourself up again. I have officially picked myself up, patted myself on the back, and drop kicked the negativity.

21 day challenge

I signed up for a 21 day challenge to get my butt in gear. My trainer recommended it to me and i'm excited about it. Today is day 1 which I wasn't expecting (I thought it was on Wednesday or Thursday) but I was fortunate that I started it off well and had a training session today. http://www.facebook.com/JulieVorisInspireFitness?sk=app_11007063052 Here is what all we're doing. It's only for 21 days so i'm going to kick it in gear. I need to get this weight off. I'm feeling better and getting stronger. I can definitely tell so i'm not unhappy with my exercise. It all comes down to food. I'm just eating what is quick and right in front of me. I need to get back to planning my meals. I'm not out eating cupcakes and fried chicken or anything but i'm eating enough "bad" to prevent any weight loss. I'm sorting it out and i'm taking it one day at a time. :)

And I ran

Ok, I ran 2 miles. I was going to go for 3 but my parents and my nephew surprised us with a visit. It was a great 2 miles though and i'm really proud of myself. I pushed myself hard and burned 480calories. Not too shabby!

Feeling lazy

I'm feeling super lazy today. I haven't done anything bad and I have done a few chores but i'm just not feeling it today. Maybe it's because my week has been super packed. Who knows.....

I need to get in at least 3 miles today so that I can get back on track for my mini marathon training. I just don't feel like doing anything. I have to go get a PPD test placed today for work. I've been putting it off for one reason or another and now I only have a few days to get it placed or I get in trouble.

I know that it's a recurring theme in my life but laziness is such a problem for me. Blah.

Not what I wanted but a victory none the less

I didn't gain any weight during this stressful week even though I haven't gotten in as much exercise as I would like. I wish that I had lost weight since I didn't stress eat like usual but i'm happy with maintaining. It's a process and I know there won't be a loss everyday.

Today I did a whopping 77 push-ups during my workout with Jaime. Couple that with my 227 squats and I so am getting stronger. I'm so incredibly proud of myself for pushing through the pain and negativity that I put myself through. I really feel like I have a fighting chance in this battle against obesity.

Tonight I am making a healthified version of quiche lorraine. I'm super excited!

Stress

Today has been a very stressful day. Dad had his cardiac cath procedure done and it was presented to us as a complete unknown. We had no idea what was going to happen or what they were going to do to him until after it was already done. I was so worried and stressed out the whole time. His procedure went well and they didn't change anything. Dr. Singh just scoped him and said that since things have not gotten worse he didn't want to change anything. He wants to give his stent some time to work and in the mean time get his medications working better. I'm hoping that things improve and that he will see a decrease in the blockage by his next appointment.

Steve had a phone interview today with a company that would pay him more than what he is making now. It would allow us some more freedom and I wouldn't have to work every weekend. He said it didn't go too well though so i'm back to being stressed about it. I'm putting everything in God's hands but as a weak human being i'm finding it hard to not stress.

The positive in all of this is that i'm not stress eating. That has always been a big problem for me so i'm glad that I was able to overcome that today. Seeing all the problems that Dad is facing from a lifetime of poor eating choices is a big motivating factor. It pains me to see him struggle like this. I hope that I can be a good example for them and help them to learn how to eat well too.

Feel the burn

Oh do I ever feel every single on of those 227 squats today. I can also feel all those crunches. I love the feeling though because I know for a fact that I had a great workout. So bring it on sucka! :)

I'm doing much better this week (yes I know i'm only on day 2) than last week. I'm still taking it one day/hour/minute/second at a time. Eventually I won't have to but for now I do and it's working for me. I was way too sore to workout but I was still going to until I got called in to work. I had to scrap it but I did get plenty of walking in a work so I don't feel too bad. I get rest days so i'll just make it today.

Dad called and gave me some bad(ish) news today. He is going to have to have another cardiac procedure tomorrow. Dr. Singh doesn't know if anything needs to be replaced or if he is going to have to do some more invasive procedures until Dad is on the operating table. That scares the bejeezes out of me but I will trust in the Lord that he will intervene and heal Dad. God is good and I have to remember that always.

Tomorrow is another day and another opportunity to improve myself. Now, off to watch some Biggest Loser and then get some rest for a stressful day.

227

That is how many squats I did today in my new building blocks workout with Jaime. I am so immensely proud of myself for how strong i'm getting and for not quitting even though I have wanted to a hundred times. 227!!!!!!!!

Ready, set, go!

I've been struggling. I'm fighting a war against a powerful adversary and the battle has been tipping in it's favor. My enemy? Laziness. It has driven me to eat poorly, not exercise, go out to eat, and tell myself that I "deserve" that ice cream. Mostly though, laziness has caused me to lie to myself and others that I have given a promise to. I promised to be healthy, to be fit, to be strong, to be disciplined in all aspects of my life.

I threw a pity party for myself and posted a "why me" post on facebook. That is when an angel in the form of Nicole reminded me that it isn't the end of the road but another beginning. She reminded me that every single day is filled with choices and moments in which to make a new start. She reminded me that I am in control of my life, choices, and future. ME!!!! She reminded me that I am indeed ONE STRONG CHICKADEE! I'm strong enough to overcome my laziness, self-sabotage, and self-pity. I'm strong enough to be honest about what works for me and what doesn't. I'm strong enough to create a future for Lilly that shapes her into a strong and healthy woman. So thank you Nicole. Thank you for encouraging me through kindness and a good example.

Today I weighed in at 190.8lbs. Never again will I be at that weight but i'm not ashamed. I am who I am and everyone has to start somewhere. I'm a success story and will continue to be. Why? Because i'm one strong chicadee, that's why!