I want to be perfect

I really do. However I am a flawed individual who, for some strange reason, likes to mess things up just when they are going so well. I know that in this I am not alone, however, it is seriously frustrating. I promptly got out of the 190s, made my birthday goal, and then drop kicked myself off the wagon. I really need to take a look at myself and figure out why I do this. Am I scared to be thin? Am I scared of failing? Am I scared of the hard work it will take? Most likely it's all of the above. I would love to understand myself in this but I just don't. I guess I just have to take comfort in the fact that I am not alone in feeling this way or doing these things to myself. I didn't completely lose my head and start downing oreos with a cheesecake chaser but I could have been losing weight this whole time. ANNOYING!!!!! I won't make my first birthday goal but I can do another one. I will have to think long and hard about what I want it to be before I post it. One thing that I have figured out however is that I am not a gym rat. I love doing things, that to me, don't feel like exercising. I love bike rides, dancing in the living room with Lilly, swimming, long walks with my family, and playing sports. I need to realize that it is ok to have that be my exercise. After all, this is a life change, not a temporary fix. It is so important to stress that fact. Nicole has told me over and over again that this is not something I can fail at. You can't fail at life. You can't fail at trying to better yourself. So, yes I want to be perfect but God made me this beautifully imperfect me. I'm pretty sure He knew what He was doing.