Wednesday, December 28, 2011

What am I doing?

As 2011 comes to a close I am finding myself looking back at what I did this year. I started off 2011 very uncertain. Steve had just lost his job and started working contract jobs. I was working at Community South and it was a very tumultuous environment to say the least. I was definitely praying that things would turn around and that we could get on track with every aspect of our lives.

In the spring Steve was working at Roche and we decided that it would be a job that was going to stick. We talked, prayed, talked, and prayed some more and decided that it was time to move on with our lives. I gave my notice at CHS, we looked for a place on the north side, and took a big plunge to change everything we had previously been doing for the last decade.

I was now a very happy stay at home mom and Steve was now close to work and us. Awesome! We decided to start exploring our new area of Noblesville and found lots of things to do. Our favorite thing was bike riding. I thought well if we are bike riding I should start eating better and get some more of this darn weight off of me. I started eating well and exercising and the weight started coming off. I was finally down into the 180s! I can't even remember the last time that I weighed 180-something! I was really feeling good about where we were headed.

We found a great church too. is the website. White River has truly been a God send to us. We are learning so much there about God, who we are, what God wants for us, and what we want from our lives. Steve was baptized there and Lilly is really thriving. I know that without a doubt God is working on us from the inside out.

Now, as winter approached my weight started going back up because I wasn't exercising or eating well. Now that we are at the end of 2011 and the end of this chapter I look back and yes a lot of wonderful things happened but I am STILL struggling with my weight and Steve and I are still struggling with our finances. I really need to figure this out. We are in a really good place in our lives so I should be able to do all of this. I feel like I get going with it full steam ahead and then poop out even though things are going well. IE: I'm loosing weight, feeling well, have money saved, paying bills off etc....

Before 2012 starts I need some goals. I need some direction. I need to figure myself out. I need to figure out Steve and I's relationship together when it comes to food and money. I know that we are enablers and that is super destructive to our physical and financial health. Why am I talking about all of this publicly? I really don't know. I do know that it helps to write it down, put it out there, see my feelings on page. I hope that I can work this out and finally change a huge part of me that is still broken. I don't need perfection. I don't need a bikini body or a million dollar fortune. (All though both would be wonderful) I need peace. I have spiritual peace that is amazing. Now I need it in my physical and financial life.

I'm going on a discovery and I hope that I find out what it is I need to succeed. I know how to diet and exercise just fine. It's my brain, emotions, way of thinking, etc that I need to figure out. It is my passions in life that I need to figure out. When I do things are going to be great. I was brave enough to change part of my life so I can be brave enough to change the rest of it. *deep breath* Here we go!