I'm scared

192.2 today. That is exciting and scary for me at the same time. If you have read my previous posts you know why. I always stop right around this weight. I have no idea why but it happens. I either get stuck, let life get in my way, or get burnt out.

I do NOT want that to happen again. I feel like i'm living a Bill Murray in Ground Hog's day life. I can't seem to move past this point. I feel like this time is different but i'm still scared.

I'm scared of the unknown. I'ts been a very long time since I was ever below 185lbs. Who am I as a thin(ner) person? I don't know. That scares me. I'm scared and excited to mold a new Becky. I want different things now and I know that losing the weight will help with that. It's kind of like letting go of a security blanket.

I'm scared that my life won't be as amazing as I have been picturing it to be. I'm scared that i'm setting myself up for disappointment. That even though I've lost the weight I will not be able to do all the wonderful things I have planned.

I'm scared that I will let down my readers. That they are expecting this amazing transformation and I won't be up to snuff. That even though I have lost the weight I will still look the same. I'm scared that they will all leave me and my support system and inspiration will be gone.

Mostly i'm scared that I will let down my family. They are the driving force behind my weight loss and fitness goals. I desperately want to make them proud and succeed. I don't want to continue this cycle that I have created for myself.

Why share all these fears with you?

Well for one I want you to know that if you are scared too you are not alone. Changing yourself is scary. Most of us are heavy because it's our safety zone. Our security blanket. Our armor if you will. Taking all of that off is kin to exposing our vulnerabilities to the world.

Secondly I want to share this because I want to overcome them. I think that once you share your fears you have nothing to hide and can start working on them. I know what is blocking my success now and I know what to look for when I start to struggle.

Thirdly I shared because I need support, accountability, and wisdom from you guys. This is not something that I want to go at alone. I have tried that way and failed. I don't want to fail again so I'm making sure that everyone knows what i'm doing, how I sabotage myself, and how to help me through it. This isn't an easy journey to make. You have to face a lot of demons along the way. However, it is a very freeing journey. Honesty is good for the soul. I have nothing to fear, nothing to run from, nothing to hide.

I am always here for you guys as well. I get it. I know what it's like to feel stuck, frustrated, scared, etc. Let's band together and beat this together. Let's show the world that we are STRONG CHICKADEES!