I am having a battle with my scale. I got down to 189.0 and then it decided to go back up. I'm fighting to bring it back down but today it went back up. I don't understand why my body is doing this. Every single time I have tried to lose weight this has happened. My body has a block at 188-189 that I just seem to struggle getting past. What is so frustrating is that I know i'm doing everything right. I know I could eat cleaner or eat this or that better but come on!!!!!!!! I'm not doing anything terrible. I'm not cheating, i'm exercising, and i'm always in my calorie range. I just want to scream and punch something.
I really hate it when people tell me that it's not about the numbers it's how you feel. Well, yes it is about the numbers. I still have 50lbs to lose. That is a lot of weight so yes, it's still about the numbers for me. If I was 10lbs away from my goal I would go with that attitude but i'm not. So i'm going to be upset when my scale doesn't reflect my hard work and effort.
I also really hate it when people tell me it's all about being healthy. You can be healthy at any weight. Ugh! I know it's about being healthy. However it's about getting to a healthy weight as well. I need and want both. Stop trying to make me feel better because it's not working.
I know that i'm at a pivotal point in my weight loss, health, and fitness goals. This is where I throw in the towel and live the rest of my days as I always have or I use that towel to dry my tears and wipe the sweat away and persevere. I choose the latter. I'm going to figure out a way to force my body to move past this point. I will lose weight, I will be healthy, and I will be fit. There is no other option for me. I don't want another option.
I don't necessarily like that but it's the truth. This journey is not easy. It's taking me to a place where I am confronting issues that I buried or didn't know existed. It's testing my strength, my patience, my will to succeed. I know that at the end is the Becky I have always wanted to be. The wife I have always wanted to be. The mom I have always wanted to be. And no matter how hard it gets THAT is worth the pain, anguish, hardship, frustration EVERY SINGLE TIME!
Just a little setback, not the end!
ReplyDeleteNot that I know the answers to this (AT ALL), but are you getting enough sleep (because sleep is super important) and working on things besides fitness? Like mental and emotional stuff? I know that sounds weird, but if your reaction to so many hurts in the past was to eat, have you figured out how to correctly handle that stuff (like addressed it and made peace with it) so that you can take your next step in weight loss?
If that sounds like a load of crap, it probably is. I have no idea what I'm talking about, but just thinking. Ignore this crap if it's not helpful. :) Love you!
Oh man have I ever been working on the mental issues. I am all mental over here. LOL.
ReplyDeleteI could probably use more sleep but that would mean moving to another room. My issue is that Stephen snores at night. Darn him!
This week, well starting today, I'm following the advice of my journey buddy Nicole and eating as cleanly as possible. Hopefully that will help.
Love you bunches too!