Never give up. Never surrender.

It's been 9, almost 10, weeks since I had Ronan. I'm ready to have my old body back. As of right now I can't wear a single stitch of my pre-pregnancy clothing. That sucks. However I know that i'm not doing all the things I need to do in order to lose the weight and get back to being fit and healthy. Honestly though, some days I am crazy pumped to get back into the swing of things. Other days? Not so much. This is directly correlated with the amount of sleep I am getting. I am a complete disaster when sleep deprived. Apparently a new baby will do that to you. Also, I had my first period after pregnancy and it was a doozy. So much so that I was diagnosed with period induced anemia. Anemia really messes with me. I'm tired, dizzy, lethargic, and plagued with headaches. Couple that with my now normal sleep deprived state and I am a complete mess.

So, what is a tired Mommy to do? I think it's to take it one day at a time. Keep enjoying life with my two little ones. Make the most of the good days and go into survival mode on the bad days. Remember that the extra fat on me doesn't diminish my worth. It doesn't take away from my beauty, my abilities, my love for my family and theirs for me. It doesn't make me a bad person, it makes me a normal person. My goal in life is to be a positive role model for my family. To be someone they can look up to, learn from, and be proud of. Teaching them that outward appearances are just a tiny fraction of what makes up a person is so important. We are complex and beautiful creatures. All of us. We are capable of amazing things if we just let go of our insecurities.

I find that we are the ones that are creating these road blocks. No one thinks these negative things about us. No one looks at us and says that we can't do something because of the way we look. We are our own worst enemy. We prevent ourselves from becoming who we are meant to be. Who we are capable of being. Who we so desperately desire to be. We hide behind our weight, our addictions, our fears instead of letting it go and moving forward. We wish, hope, and dream instead of being, doing, seeing. I for one am tired of wishing my life away. I'm ready to experience life and the riches it provides.

So, all this to say that while I am working on losing this extra weight I will remember to not let it hold me back. Not let it define me. I will remember to give myself a break and stop being so harsh with myself. I will remember that being with family, sharing in these precious and fleeting moments, is so much more important than the number on the scale. I will also remember that keeping my goals and dreams of a healthy, active, and fit family is an important and worthy goal/dream.

Never give up. Never surrender.