Bat kid

Today is all about a little boy names Miles who fought and won a battle with Leukemia. His wish was to become batkid and boy did Make A Wish and San Francisco ever make that happen for him. I linked the BuzzFeed article for you to peruse. Be prepared for tears and laughter. Miles makes one amazing superhero!

http://www.buzzfeed.com/ryanhatesthis/everything-you-need-to-know-about-the-make-a-wish-foundation?bffb

Updates

Aren't updates fun? I love hearing about what people are doing and how they are doing. Good or bad. I like being involved in people's lives. I guess that is why I was attracted to starting a blog and a facebook page in the first place. It's a great way for me to involve people in my life and vice versa. A way to find like minded individuals who give a crap about what i'm eating or how i'm exercising.

As of today I am down 5.8lbs. Not too shabby me thinks. My stamina is coming back as well. The first Turbo Fire dvd I did when starting back last Monday was rough. And by rough I mean I thought I was going to puke and then pass out and then puke some more. Not a good combo really. I pushed through though and today I got through my dvd without any feelings of pukage or spontaneous falling down. Progress at it's finest!

I've spoken over and over again about what a mental challenge this is. I'm going to say it again. It wasn't the physical change that had me scared. It was the mental. We all want our bodies to look better. A little sweat and muscle soreness is going to be par for the course. It's our mental blocks that are hard to overcome. I'm used to being overweight. The fat is a security blanket of sorts. So, while i'm shedding the pounds again the biggest thing i'll be shedding is the mental blocks. The habits that i've put into place that have kept me heavy. The attitudes that have hidden my potential. I'll be so happy to update you guys on all the negativity and bad behavior i'm shedding.

For now, the biggest hurdle i've overcome this week is negative mindset about being back at this weight. Being mad at my body for getting pregnant and gaining the weight. I decided to change that negative attitude to a positive one. My body gave me my beautiful baby boy. My body went through a tough pregnancy and delivery and came out the other side. My body is able to do tough workouts and keep up with crazy 100lb Chalene Johnson. My body did something amazing in creating life and I will not punish it for that. I will celebrate it. So what if I have to lose a few pounds? I got something so much better in return.

Those are my updates! I hope you guys are staying strong. Never forget that a positive mindset will help you go further than a negative one. Appreciate your body at every stage. ~Bex

Hi? Howdy? Waaaaaazzzzzuuuuuuup? Yo? Hey? How's it going?

I'm not really sure how to start this post. Hi? Howdy? Waaaaaazzzzzuuuuuuup? Yo? Hey? How's it going? I've been MIA for so long I feel awkward and disconnected for sure. How about we just skip to the meat and potatoes of it all. Good? Good.


If you'll remember I had a baby 7 months ago. It was a csection delivery plus a tubal. This lady don't want no mo babays! Well, it was a bit rougher on the 'ol bod than I thought. I tried to get back into the game when released for exercise but my body just wasn't having it. It didn't want to lose weight, didn't want to get stronger, and just felt like big ol crappola. I got a little down on myself thinking it was my fault. Hey, I was in a haze of sleep deprivation and new baby love. It was hard for me to remember that I just grew a baby in my body, had him cut out, had my insides rearranged, and my tubes closed for business.

I stopped all forms of exercise and resumed pregnancy eating. I'm not going to say it wasn't fun because it was. Oreos, ice cream, burgers, pizza, etc. All of that isn't horrible in moderation but I was not practicing moderation whatsoever. My friend Nicole put out another Healthy Image Challenge at the beginning of the month. I decided to take this opportunity to refocus on my goals and desires for myself and my family.

I decided that I most definitely want to lose some weight again. However, I want to love and appreciate my body at every stage it's in. It's that body that has the drive, energy, and capabilities that is required to change into a smaller weight/size. That body is just as amazing as a smaller one. I also decided that I want to do this to set a good example for my family. Not just my kids but also my husband. We feed off of each other. The good and the bad. But we also support, encourage, motivate, teach, help, love, and grow with each other. So, I signed up for the challenge and got back to business.

I started an Instagram account to document my process further and make it even more fun. I'm not the best at blogging, I would like to get better, so I think this is a great way to follow along with what i'm doing each day. It's pretty fun seeing my food, exercise, family, and progress in picture form. If you don't do this already I highly suggest it. It's a ton of fun. I also started tracking my progress on MyFitnessPal again. I can't tell you just how wonderful of a tool this is. It keeps me focused and accountable. I never realize just how much I am eating until I start tracking again. I also started back up with TurboFire six days a week. I will admit. The first time I did it again I thought I was going to simultaneously throw up and pass out. I was a hot mess. But it kept getting easier and now I just feel a good kind of worn out. It's amazing just how fast the body adapts.

So, that's what has been going on in my neck of the woods. I'm still a strong chickadee. That is so much more than physical strength. I'm enjoying my new family and putting old habits into practice with my new family. I hope all of you guys are well and staying healthy. Mentally and physically.

~Bex

Iced coffee

I love iced coffee. In my opinion it's the best form of coffee. However, when I try to make it at home it results in a bitter or watery beverage. Not cool. So, I usually head to Starbucks and over pay for a delicious iced beverage. So, what's a girl to do? TO THE GOOGLE! I swear, some people are GENIUSES! I found a very promising recipe for a cold brewed coffee. I tried it, tweaked it, and here it is before you in all it's glorious perfection. If you want the original recipe here it is. Her site is fantastic! So many amazing recipes.

http://ohsheglows.com/2013/06/24/diy-coffee-concentrate-speedy-almond-milk-iced-coffee/

Fill a pitcher with 4.5 cups of water. The better the water, the better the outcome.

Fill two coffee filters with 1/2 cup of coffee each. I used organic coffee to keep the flavor pure and the chemicals out!

Tie your new coffee satchels up. I got super fancy and used (clean) hair bands. Channel your inner MacGyver and tie them up!

Plop those bad boys into your pitcher and place it in the fridge for 12-16 hours. That's when the magic happens.

Check you out. You just made cold brewed coffee. Heaven in a pitcher. Liquid gold. Ok, i'll stop. Take your satchels out and your coffee is ready to be made into your favorite iced beverage.

If you want to make it like me I used equal parts coffee and organic almond milk. (1 cup each, 1/2 cup each, or if you're feeling crazy 2/3 cup each. Doesn't matter just make it equal) A splash of organic vanilla extract. Don't go crazy with this or it will be over powering and gross. And lastly around a tbsp of organic blue agave syrup. 

Slap a straw in that bad boy and enjoy. Make some for your friends and charge them $5. Just kidding they are your friends. Charge them $4.50.

Happy drinking!

PS I think if you add this all to a blender it would make a kick ass frappuccino. 

I only lost....

So, I lost 1.6lbs this week.

1.6lbs....

On the one hand I don't think that's a bad amount to lose.

On the other I do because it's my first week and I still have a lot to lose.

I want it to come off quickly even though I know that the slower I go the healthier it is and the better my skin will look in the end. I'm just having a hard time keeping that in mind when I look in the mirror, get dressed, or step on the scale. I'm haunted by my pre-pregnancy weight. I want to slap myself for getting to this size again. I sound like a broken freaking record. A whiny poop head. I know this but I can't stop myself. I'm frustrated.

I'm fully aware that a lack of sleep contributes to a slower weight loss but that is out of my control. That will only get better as Ronan gets bigger. So, I guess i'll take the slower weight loss and move on. Remember that I am doing this to be healthier and more fit. Size and weight doesn't matter right now. Focus Becky. Focus.

In the depths of my mind

To be completely honest I have no idea what I want to write there. I just know that i'm feeling very overwhelmed with life right now. This may never even see the light of day and that is perfectly fine. I'm just feeling the need to write.

I have a very fussy baby. I don't even know if I would call him fussy. He's a crier. He cries for everything. We got the fussiness under control a few weeks ago. He wasn't doing well on either formula we tried until the doctor said that he may have a lactose intolerance so we put him on soy. That seemed to be our golden ticket to a healthy and happy baby. Well, he still cries a lot but not in pain. It gets very stressful and overwhelming. I can't seem to put him down. I truly am not the type of mom that holds her babies non-stop and then complains about it. I try to put him down so that he will gain independence. He wants nothing to do with it and no amount of soothing will calm him down. I'm at a bit of a loss. My first was nothing like this. I feel my mental well being breaking down bit by bit. Cry by cry. But there are bouts of sunshine in the mist. Moments when he smiles at me with such genuine love and happiness that fills my heart with pure joy and love. Moments when I realize just how much I love this chubby, squeaky, sweet baby. Those are the ones I hold onto during the gray periods. I know that this time will pass in the blink of an eye. One day I will no longer be able to hold his tiny sleeping body. No longer be able to gaze upon his sweet peaceful face. To gently kiss his little mouth and feel his breath upon my lips. Those first moments with him as he learns to smile, giggle, talk, crawl, walk, and explore his new world. Those are what matters. Those are worth every tear shed, every frustrating moment, and every sleep deprived day. I will never get this time back with him. I will remember that and hold on to every sweet and fleeting moment.

My four year old is wanting more grandparent time than mommy time. That makes me so sad. I don't blame her on the one hand. I have a super needy baby and he takes up a lot of my time. On the other hand I want her to want to be with me no matter what. To get excited when I want to take her places and do things with her. Not say I want to do those things but with Mamaw and Papaw. That just kills me. My heart literally hurts to hear that. I love her with every fiber of my being and I know she feels the same. I just have to remember that she loves to go, play, see, do, and be. She gets that spirit from me. If she can get that from Mamaw and Papaw right now I have to be ok with it and happy that they are providing such a wonderful and enriching time for my precious daughter.

Things are going well in the health and weight loss department. I haven't been at it long but it just feels natural. I had to get there by way of a picture fail but whatever. Some times you just need a push, a wake up call, a scare, etc. I'm starting to feel stronger and healthier already. I love seeing my body respond positively to my changes. It reinforces my good behavior. That sounds so childish but I don't think we ever grow out of the need for positive reinforcement. That is why there are raises and bonuses at work. It stimulates us into being better and more productive.

I have goals and dreams and ambitions. I'm not sure how they will play out yet. I have a deep yearning to head to the mountains. I can almost hear them calling me home. I was born in Wyoming and it's as if those mountains are calling to me. Telling me to come back to my place of birth. I have never felt such a strong urge to move before. I have been pretty content here in Indiana. As I have been growing and developing my identity it is becoming more and more apparent that Indiana will no longer be my permanent home. I don't feel like I fit here anymore. I need to be in nature. I need to be with like-minded people. I need to breathe the mountain air. I need to teach my children how to be adventurous just as much as I need to teach them to be healthy and fit. I am hoping to get to those mountains in five years. There is work to do here before we can make that happen but I am hopeful and excited about that future.

I have seen and read a lot lately about people being passionate and fulfilled with their chosen careers. I certainly feel that way about being a stay at home mother even with the frustrations I am curently experiencing . I do know though that I want to do more with my time when I am able. I want to go help people who need me. I want to build houses with Habitat for Humanity. I want to be a small part of such a large and life changing gift. I want to be able to show others kindness, love, and compassion. Things that we don't get to see much of from humanity on a daily basis. I want people to know that there are people out there who care about their welfare. Who understand the need to have a home to raise their children in. To provide a safe and loving environment for those kids to come home to every day. To have a roof over their head and a comforting bed to sleep in every night. Not just a house but a home. I want to be a part of that dream for someone. To help turn a terrible situation into a bright future. I know these things are on the horizon for me and I can't wait to get started. I'm focusing on getting my little ones to a more independent age so I can spend time away helping to change other people's lives. I hope that one day they can join me. I hope I can instill a giving spirit in them. A desire to do good, change the world for the better, a need to help their fellow man. That would make me a very proud mother.

So, while I feel like i'm in a holding period. The deep breath before the plunge. The transitioning into a new and more fulfilling life. I am going to keep making the most of this stage. I'm going to learn all I can from my health and fitness journey. I am going to grow as much as possible. I'm going to enjoy my little children and make as many memories with them as I can. I'm going to live every day because it is a gift. One that I intend to make the most of. I don't want to leave here with regrets. I want to be excited. I want others to be excited for me. I want to inspire.

Never give up. Never surrender.

It's been 9, almost 10, weeks since I had Ronan. I'm ready to have my old body back. As of right now I can't wear a single stitch of my pre-pregnancy clothing. That sucks. However I know that i'm not doing all the things I need to do in order to lose the weight and get back to being fit and healthy. Honestly though, some days I am crazy pumped to get back into the swing of things. Other days? Not so much. This is directly correlated with the amount of sleep I am getting. I am a complete disaster when sleep deprived. Apparently a new baby will do that to you. Also, I had my first period after pregnancy and it was a doozy. So much so that I was diagnosed with period induced anemia. Anemia really messes with me. I'm tired, dizzy, lethargic, and plagued with headaches. Couple that with my now normal sleep deprived state and I am a complete mess.

So, what is a tired Mommy to do? I think it's to take it one day at a time. Keep enjoying life with my two little ones. Make the most of the good days and go into survival mode on the bad days. Remember that the extra fat on me doesn't diminish my worth. It doesn't take away from my beauty, my abilities, my love for my family and theirs for me. It doesn't make me a bad person, it makes me a normal person. My goal in life is to be a positive role model for my family. To be someone they can look up to, learn from, and be proud of. Teaching them that outward appearances are just a tiny fraction of what makes up a person is so important. We are complex and beautiful creatures. All of us. We are capable of amazing things if we just let go of our insecurities.

I find that we are the ones that are creating these road blocks. No one thinks these negative things about us. No one looks at us and says that we can't do something because of the way we look. We are our own worst enemy. We prevent ourselves from becoming who we are meant to be. Who we are capable of being. Who we so desperately desire to be. We hide behind our weight, our addictions, our fears instead of letting it go and moving forward. We wish, hope, and dream instead of being, doing, seeing. I for one am tired of wishing my life away. I'm ready to experience life and the riches it provides.

So, all this to say that while I am working on losing this extra weight I will remember to not let it hold me back. Not let it define me. I will remember to give myself a break and stop being so harsh with myself. I will remember that being with family, sharing in these precious and fleeting moments, is so much more important than the number on the scale. I will also remember that keeping my goals and dreams of a healthy, active, and fit family is an important and worthy goal/dream.

Never give up. Never surrender.

It's a mess in here

My head is a mess. It's messier than my four year old's room right now. I can't seem to get my thoughts in order so that I can sort through them and dispose of the bad and keep the good. So, if this post is super disjointed I apologize. I'm sorting while writing.

I lost weight. I lost a lot of weight. 45(ish) pounds to be exact. Then I got pregnant. I also got sick. Very sick. I'm the worst person in the world when i'm pukey. I wallow in self pity and if I actually throw up it's the end of the world. So, I ate to keep away the vomit. That first trimester I was in survival mode and didn't give two farts to the wind about what my weight was doing.

Fast forward on to the second trimester. I was feeling great! It was also the holiday season. I gained 9lbs in two weeks eating Christmas cookies and other goodies. HOLY CRAP. I backed off and started eating right but the damage was already done. I had gained at least 20lbs of fat. I had worked so hard to get that off. Ugh!

Third trimester the weight kept increasing but it was pretty much all baby. I started dreaming of the day when I could go back to exercising and "dieting". When I would shed this baby weight and be only a short distance away from my pre-pregnancy weight. Did that stop me from eating ice cream and cookies? Nope. (Feel free to insert a face palm here. I know I did.)

Now i'm two months postpartum and ready to get back in the game. However, my head is still a mess. I am upset at the weight gain, ashamed at my lack of control, angry that my body is a disaster, and feeling lost once again.

Boy you aren't joking there random picture making person. This negativity is sucking all the happiness and motivation from me. It's making me forget that exercise and eating well makes me feel good. It makes me look good. It makes me a better mother and wife. It's making me forget all the things I did to help myself lose the weight the first time. I can't let it have that much power. Not gonna do it!

I'm going to chose to ignore that ugly number on the scale for now. I'm going to chose to focus on getting back into a routine. Focus on cleaning up my diet, getting in my exercise, and drinking more water. Get back to the basics of it all and uncomplicate it. Remember why I started this in the first place and get back to being a positive role model for my little ones.

Thanks random picture making person. You always know how to pick me back up, dust me off, and put me on the right path again.

Baby Peanut's ultrasound

On Monday November 12th we had our "big appointment" that seems so far away when you first become pregnant

We were finding out if we are having a boy or a girl!

Now, truly the most important part of this appointment is to see my beautiful baby's spine, heart chambers, bladder, stomach, and brain. See that they are nice and healthy and developing beautifully. I'm glad to say that Peanut is nice and healthy. Oh, and a wee bit rambunctious. 

Anyhoo back to the HUGE news. The only news that people who aren't family really care about. BOY or GIRL?

I think i'll let my first baby goose tell you guys the good news. :)

Welcome to our family Ronan Nathan Henderson!

Why do I need a page?

I have a facebook page for OSC. I used to get some comments and some chit chat going on there but now it's mainly crickets. It got me thinking about why I have one. In the beginning of my journey it was a way to inspire others. In the middle of it it was for accountability and encouragement. Now? It just makes me sad. I really don't want to post things and have zero response. I already feel super awkward for having a weight loss page while pregnant. Yeah, i'll go back to weight loss after the baby but now I feel like those people don't deserve to share it with me. If you aren't going to support me in every stage of my life why do you get to celebrate victories? Why do you get to be nosy and look at my before/after pictures? Why do you get to share in giveaways that come from my own pocket?

I realized that what I need are friends. People who care about me and what i'm doing. I know there are those out there that say you can't expect that from online interactions but i've seen friendships develop between people online all the time. Bloggers and readers, gamers, long lost friends, etc. If you care, or want to care, it will happen. I thought that it was just me but I have to remember that I can only BE me. I can't be anyone else. If others don't like that then I have to accept it and move on. Maybe it's just not my niche. That's ok. It won't change the fact that I have a journey to complete. It won't change the fact that I want to be a role model to my family. It won't change the fact that I have a desire to be healthy.

So, I haven't decided anything yet but I will soon. I don't want to be sad every time I get online. I don't want to feel discouraged about being me. I don't want to feel like i've done something wrong. As always I hope you guys are doing well and staying strong! Only 3 more days until my ultrasound! XO~Bex

Pregnancy and exercise

Ok, i'm silly nervous about exercising while pregnant. I know that's silly but I don't want to do anything to harm my precious growing baby. However, I don't want to continue to be sedate all day. I need to get back to exercising and staying healthy. I know that will help me and the baby. This week my goal is to ride the stationary bike three times for 30 minutes. A far cry from what I used to do but I don't really care. It's something and it will be helpful. I'm also going to start tracking my food again. Not to lose weight of course but to make sure that i'm getting all the foods I need. I'm almost half way through my pregnancy but I really want this last half to be healthy, fit, and happy. If you have any exercise suggestions feel free to tell me about them. I love to try new things. I'm sure i'll fit yoga in there somewhere too. Stay strong!

My little pumpkin

I wrote a post on my other blog. Check it out if you want to see my sweet little pumpkin this year. I know, it's not health related but she's just so precious I can't help but share!

http://mommahenderson.blogspot.com/2012/10/my-little-pumpkin.html

Well hello there my three followers!

Well life sure changed for my family and I this summer. I wrote a blog post on another blog I want to get started and I'll post it here for those of you who don't see that blog.

“Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.” 
― Eckhart Tolle 

Ok, this definitely makes me sound like a bad person. The changes that are happening in our life aren't negative by any means but when I first got a positive result I admit everything negative about this change flooded my mind.

We are pregnant with baby number two.

Four years and three miscarriages after baby number one.

Grand total of 7 miscarriages and 1 amazing little girl to call my own.

When I saw that blue line pop up my immediate reaction was "Great, i'm going to have another miscarriage." Talk about a negative right? Well, looking at my history can you really blame me? Of course I had to take another test and this one was blue before I was even off the potty. (You are most welcome for that visual aid) I started to get hopeful and excited. The only time that has happened is with our daughter. Hope started blossoming. Then I started thinking about Lilly and all the time we share together and our amazing relationship and got scared. I don't want things to change. I love my life just the way it is. I don't want Lilly to feel neglected or less loved. I don't want my body cut open for the nth time. I don't want sleepless nights, poopy diapers, bottles, 40lb diaper bags, and the loss of our new found freedom.

Told you I sound like a bad person. I'm going to blame it on hormones, morning sickness, and a desire to protect Lilly.

I called the doctor and they wanted to do the usual blood work. Off I went and when I saw them on my caller ID I immediately prepared myself for bad news. Buuuuut there was only good news. My numbers were high and looked great. We are going to do the second panel and double check. Ok, that's when i'll get the bad news. I sound pessimistic but i've heard 7x more bad news than good so try to give me a break. They called again and I got good news again. We made an appointment for an ultrasound and a check up. I think I was (am) in shock. I numbly agreed on the time and hung up. With one of my miscarriages I got to the ultrasound appointment at 8 weeks to only find another loss. I was NOT looking forward to this appointment as much as I WAS looking forward to it.

The day of my appointment arrived and I was feeling way more nauseous than my morning sickness accounted for. I had to go through my history and paperwork before the ultrasound thus prolonging my misery. I really dislike telling people my history. Not because i'm ashamed or afraid to by any means. It's the look of horror or pity on people's faces that I hate the most. It's a confirmation of my personal hell and I abhor it.

Well we made it to the ultrasound and Steve got there to join us. I put on my armor and marched in battle ready and prepared for the worst. The screen lit up and we saw our little peanut. My breath caught. Ok, the baby is there. The yolk sac is there. Where's the heartbeat? Oh. My. Gosh. There it was. Our little baby's heart beat pulsing away in a beautiful pattern of light. It looked so strong. The tech said that we should be able to hear it so she angled it, turned up the sound, and let us listen to the most beautiful thump thump i've heard since Lilly's first ultrasound. 123 heart beats per minute. Anything over 90 has a 95% success rate.

THAT is when it hit me. We are going to have a baby. My heart was expanding to form a love bond with this little peanut in my belly. Lilly is going to have a brother or a sister. She is currently rooting for a  "brudder".

Even though this started out so negatively for me I now have an expanding heart, expanding hope, expanding dreams, and expanding desire for this new addition to our family. Things change but sometimes that change can make you a little better, a little stronger, and a little more loving. I know this baby will do all those things and more for me.

So, yeah. A big change right? I'm now just shy of 17 weeks and in two more weeks we'll find out what we are having. I'm crazy nervous for that appointment. I want to see my beautiful baby in there having a good 'ol time while the tech tries to maneuver the wand to tell us what gender our miracle will be. I'm still not over the "scared of having a miscarriage" feeling. I know two strong and amazing women who lost their precious children in their second trimesters so the fear is still very real and present. Yikes! I need to be more positive for myself and my family. Everything will be great and i'm excited to share those pictures with you guys.

So, weight gain. Comes with being pregnant and is inevitable. I won't deny that when I found out I was pregnant I thought "well shit, there goes my hard work down the drain." Yeah, it's a time setback but what a wonderful reason for that setback! I'm trying so hard to be healthy not skinny. I need to remember that every time I look in the mirror and see a growing belly. I need to remember that every time I get too tired to cook and opt for fast food. This is still about health, changing bad habits, and being the person I want to be. So don't expect me to go crazy lady and workout right out of the hospital. I'm going to spend my time being a mommy, being a wife, and being a role-model to my two precious children.

Stick with me and watch this new journey unfold. No matter what we ARE one strong chickadees! XO! Bex

Setting the tone and getting in the right frame of mind

I used to think that was a crock of poopy. I hate mornings and my frame of mind was (is) never that spectacular. I never gave it much thought though because how many of you guys wake up perky and ready to run a marathon? 

Me either.

However, now that i'm floundering a bit this summer i'm beginning to realize the power in setting the tone and having the right frame of mind asap. Starting my day off with a healthy, and delicious, breakfast really sets the tone for me. Pumping myself up, reading my white board goals, and focusing on what I can accomplish when I set my mind to it really puts me in a kick butt frame of mind. All of this together helps me overcome those ice cream cravings. Those it's too hot to move so I can't workout feelings. Those lazy days of summer thoughts. Those because it's cooked on a grill it must be healthy attitude.

Sooooo.....yeah. I have a lot to work on. I feel like i've got this journey down pat and then I realize that I have so much more to learn and experience. I guess that's why they say slow and steady wins the race. This week i'm going to work on setting the tone for my day and getting in the right frame of mind. That means getting up with a good attitude, a drive for success, following through with my goals/lists, and playing a lot with Lilly. (She doesn't seem to mind moving in the heat)

I hope that if you guys are struggling you'll take my advice and pump yourselves up! Let's make this summer count! Technically today is the first day of summer so we're right on track. :)

Support

Being supported is a wonderful feeling and extremely helpful.

HOWEVER!!!!!!!!!!!

You do NOT have to have a ton of support in order to be successful.

Yes, it does make it easier but it is not the driving force behind a successful lifestyle change. YOU are! Your strength, determination, willpower, desire, and motivation is what will carry you through to the end goal and beyond. I'm so tired of hearing people say that they can't lose weight or get healthy because they don't have enough support.

BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN YOURSELF AND OTHERS!!!!!!

Lead by example. Yes, it will be hard. I never said it wouldn't be. Sometimes I want to drop kick people for eating brownies in front of me but does that make them unsupportive? No! Does that mean I should give in and eat 1 (or the whole pan) brownie? NO! Take responsibility for your own actions. Just because you want to change the way you eat doesn't mean the rest of the world does. And yes, that includes your family and friends. Everyone needs a reason to do this and if they don't have it yet they aren't going to want to do the same things as you. So, suck it up buttercup! If someone eating a taco is going to do you in then you don't have the right reasons and motivation for this journey and no amount of "support" would have helped you anyways.

Have a question? Guess what? There is a search engine for that. It's called Google. You can thank me later.

Need a hug? Ask for one. Heck, here is a virtual hug for you. (((HUG)))

Need a workout buddy? Ask someone. Go to a gym. Drag your kids along. Get a workout video. Put a leash on your cat and become that crazy cat lady who walks (drags) her cat around her neighborhood.

Enough with the excuses. Either do it or don't. Just don't blame other people for your "bad" decisions.

The end.

Time

What do you make time for?

I'm a mess when it comes to time. I'm always late, I let it slip by, I mismanage it, and I don't fill it up with the most important things in life.

My friend Mary, who has an amazing way with words, put it so eloquently in her blog. The one sentence that punched me in the gut was this "How often am I stopping to listen to my children's laughter? " I honestly don't know the answer to that. I have been so focused on cleaning, blogging, losing weight, and being active this summer that i'm letting the most important things go by the way side.

I'm not at all saying that you should say the hell with lists, being healthy, working out, etc. What I am saying that is if you don't make time for your child(ren) you are truly missing out on what this life has to offer. Beauty, laughter, sweetness, fun, joy, love. All that I need to fulfill me is found in my little family of three. This summer will be different in so many ways for me. The biggest will be that I will make more time for the smaller things like listening to Lilly laugh each and every day.

Thank you Mary for this wonderful and powerful reminder of what a blessing it is to be a mother.

Picture perfect

This weekend was a big one for us. We celebrated Steve's 30th birthday! I'm so excited to be moving into our 30's. I have so many dreams and goals to achieve and I feel like this new decade will be a fresh and exciting start in our lives.

Before we left I had to take a few pictures. Lilly's hair did a poof and she looked adorable as usual.

Daddy and Lilly on his birthday!

This picture is the reason for this post. I posted it on my OSC fb page and my personal page and received so many wonderful comments.

I don't wear shorts. Like ever. I have been so ashamed of my legs for the longest time. This summer I decided to say the hell with it and wear them. Yeah my legs jiggle but I am tired of being hot and ashamed all summer long. The comments on this picture made my spirits soar. I was literally in tears you guys. I never look at a picture of me and think i'm beautiful, or stylish, or thin. Those were the words you guys were using to describe me. ME! I can't tell you just how much that means to me and just how much that changed my view point of this picture. It's ok for me to think I look nice. It's ok to put myself out there even though my body isn't perfect. There aren't a lot of people who do have perfect bodies. If they did, there wouldn't be a program out there called photoshop. So thank you, all of you, for making me feel like a million bucks. 

I WILL persist until I succeed!

Well May sucked.

I'm kind of blown away that I let an entire month slip by without losing a single pound. Talk about a waste!

However that is now in the past and I WILL persist until I succeed!

Something that is key for me is being organized and making things easy. I am such a lazy butt so if things aren't prepared for me BEFORE I want to eat it I tend to skip it. That means that I have a hard time eating fruits and veggies because they involve some preparation.

I'm such a loser. LOL.

So, yesterday I got my act together and cleaned out my fridge. I organized it, cleaned and prepped my fruits and veggies, and have everything easily accessible.

I can't even tell you how much that small amount of time/prep helps me succeed through out the week. It is crazy fast/easy to make meals for me and my three year old. It gives me the extra umph that I need to get through my weekdays.

I know a lot of people prep whole meals and either freeze them or put them in the fridge. I may or may not do that. I guess it depends on what foods will keep well that I eat.

I also did my pantry but I didn't take any pictures of that. It's really nice to discover food that was previously hidden by all the crap. I have snacks that I don't have to go out and buy yet! WOOT! My next shopping trip will be so easy now and I really missed that. I love the ease in which I was able to make a shopping list and place all my food in their respective places.

I joined a summer fit group that is also keeping me on track. I say the more the better. Well, except when it comes to fat on my body. I will get these last 30lbs off. I don't care about birthday goals now. I care about succeeding and being a good role model for my family. I care about feeling good and looking good.

I honestly have never gone this far with my "diet" and fitness. I know now that I am able to succeed and change my life. Don't ever give up on yourself. Who cares if you have a bad day/week/month? Get back on track and keep trucking!

160's FTW

Alright 170's. I loved you when I first got here. Now? Not so much. Frankly i'm quite sick of you and would love to NEVER see you again. Unfortunately this is my fault so i'm working very hard to remedy that.

I very much dislike being stuck in a weight decade. Even if it's my fault. It frustrates me, discourages me, and makes me feel lazy. On a related note I have period induced food hangovers. I don't know what comes over me but I eat crazy things and then don't remember why or how. I almost need to be chained up while on my period to stop me from doing bodily harm to myself.

I'm almost out of the 170s. I see the finish line. I will get there VERY soon.

I have a love affair with my white board. I love the squeaky markers, how colorful it gets, seeing progress and goals in writing, and being able to fulfill a childhood dream of being a teacher without having to teach snotty kids. I was so excited while writing down the rest of my goals. I have 8 more goals to go you guys! AND the 8th one is my finished goal so really 7 to get there! When I was first doing goals in January I felt like they went on forever and ever. It was a little daunting. Putting up these last 8 goals was exhilarating! I have come so far and now I can see the finish line! Go out and get a white board and then write all kinds of stuff on it. Goals, quotes, weight/food tracking, etc and experience the awesomeness for yourself!

This post is way disjointed but oh well.

I have decided to run a half-marathon in the fall. I have to decide which one I want to do but it's a definite now. I walked the Indianapolis Mini Marathon a few years ago but I really want to experience the pride of running and finishing one. I'm not a runner. I don't think it's all that fun but this is something I really want to do so i'm going for it! I'm going to follow the Hal Higdon program that is 12 weeks long. So when I find a date and venue that works for me i'll start that training. I'm pretty excited about it.

This summer i'm going to participate in a Color Run and a mudathon. I don't know which mudathon i'm going to do but I loved the Warrior Dash last year. It was hilariously fun! I plan to make this summer fun, active, and healthy. I'm even going to try camping. (YIKES!) I hope you guys do the same and make the most out of your summer too. I never do enough, which is the opposite of most people, so this year is going to be packed with fun!

Ok, that's the end of this weirdly disjointed post and should update you on what i've been up to. I have to figure out a "something new activity" for May. If you have suggestions feel free to post them. Have a wonderful week!

Hooray for May!

Is there anything better than flipping to the next month on a calendar?

Ok, yes there is but don't take away from my giddy joy at changing my calendar.

May. There is just something about it that brings hope. Is it the warmer weather? The blooming flowers? The animals scurrying around everywhere?  The end of school? The start of farmer's markets? Maybe it's all of the above that make May one of my favorite months.

This May is even more hope-filled. I'm on my incredible journey and still have so much to accomplish. April was difficult for me but that is now in the past! May is going to be amazing and filled with so many goals of mine reached!

Now, usually when I proclaim that i'm going to do something AND be amazing at it I get super nervous. I have a huge fear of failure and of letting people down. I'm moving past that now because none of that matters. I can't fail at this journey even if I have a bad day or two. I'm not letting anyone down because you guys aren't literally invested in my success. I know that you guys care! My point is that these are idiotic excuses for my self-sabotage! It's not going to happen this month! With April as the exception I have proven just how much I can do and change. May is going to be even better!

So, May is going to be dubbed MAD MAY! No i'm not angry. Mad is in mad crazy yo! (wow I sounded like tool there but you get what i'm saying) I'm so excited to get back on track and really knock this out of the park! My first goal is 172.0 lbs. That is my half-way point in my journey. I'm ecstatic about that! So ecstatic that i'm ready to get past that goal in three days. So, 172lbs by 5/4/12.

I hope you guys join me in making May wicked mad! Get some goals together for yourself and then bust through them with me!